Our Happily Ever After…Getting Better and Better

Tight hugs (even the kind when all of sudden a little boy comes crashing into you knocking you over in a hug), whispered I love you’s, sandwich kisses, tickles, a little hand in yours, rocking a little baby and singing lullaby’s, a chubby finger holding tightly to yours, playing in the rain, and reading good night stories….being parents is better than we could ever imagine and we spent six years imagining what it would be like.

Our story starts out like many other Mormon couples, meeting in college, short courtship, short engagement so that we could marry in between semesters, marriage in the temple which would lead to living happily ever after. Like all families though, Heavenly Father had His own plans for us, plans that would teach us more about the atonement of our Savior, humility, turning our will over to Heavenly Father, and bring us closer together. We were taught all these during the six years we struggled with infertility listening to doctors telling us our chances were really good, after all, I had had two miscarriages during our second year of marriage. Slowly the positive outlook faded to years of hopelessness, feeling alone, anger, and frustration. There were also some happy times of course, but infertility was always a constant part of our life. These years were needed, a preparation for Zane and I making us stronger and ready to face our next stage of life.

After our last failed cycle, Zane and I spent a week in prayer and at the temple struggling to figure out what we were suppose to do for our family. We felt all hope was gone for us to be parents. It was then that we were reminded of the many promptings we had felt over the last year (we’re slow learners!) that adoption was the answer. As we learned more about it, we felt hope again. There was another way to become parents, and as we learned later, for us it is a better way. All of a sudden we had something else to focus on and new goals. Adoption gave us something new to pray for, a birth mom, instead of focusing only on ourselves.
During a meeting with our caseworker in December 2007, a young girl walked in, turned to Zane and I, and told us she picked us to be the parents of her baby. I think I went into shock. As I got to know our birthmom over the next two months, a bond formed that is unlike anything else I have experienced. I feel like we are sisters both playing a part in our son’s life. This is why placement is so hard. It was hard to watch someone you care deeply for hurt so badly as she places the baby she loves dearly into your arms. We learned more about sacrifice and love that day. Our birthmom was the strong and courageous one as she testified to us that this is what God wanted her to do. This was what was right for her baby. I have never met a more courageous woman.



Dallin with his birthmom’s, Zane’s and my hands

It is hard to put into words the joy we felt as parents. I remember one night when my oldest son, Dallin, was just barely a month old, I was extremely tired, covered in spit up and had just been peed on. It was then when I thought I am truly a mother. What a wonderful word! When we were first going through infertility, I kept thinking if I could just have one baby. That is all I’m asking for. I had to take those words back. Dallin was never meant to be an only child, and he was growing up too fast. We started with LDSFS again, but after a year, Zane and I both started feeling a push to look at private agencies. We finally acted on that prompting in June of this year. I was on the phone with a friend asking about the referral service she used to find her baby while Zane looked up the information on the website. The application took five minutes to fill out, so he did it without thinking much about it. Two days later we got a phone call that our information looked good and by the way there is a baby being born in Florida tomorrow, are you interested? Like with our first birthmom, I went into shock. But this time it was different. I had definitely not planned for a baby right then, had vacation plans the next week, and honestly didn’t want to drive to Florida. We had had a failed adoption the year before where we traveled out of state and came home empty handed. I never wanted to go through that experience again, and so was very scared of showing up at the hospital, having the birthmom take one look at my family and telling us to turn around and go on home. When we stopped and prayed about it though, we knew this was right. I thought I had learned this lesson, but apparently we still need practice at it. The greatest lesson adoption has taught us is that God’s plan for our family and His time table is the right one and better than we could ever plan for ourselves. We needed to turn our will over to Him. So we put our faith and trust in God, packed up our car, and traveled 16 hours with our two and a half -year-old son to meet his brother.
Adoption is miracles. There is no way to explain how either of our birthmoms and us got connected besides saying God’s hand was guiding it. I spent two days in the hospital with Gavin’s (youngest son) birthmom while Zane and Dallin were in and out (I didn’t want my mothering skills judged on how Dallin behaved cooped up in a hospital room which is no place for a two-year-old boy.) I was given strength beyond my own to handle the situation and words were given to me to know what to say and how to comfort. I’m grateful for those two days with Gavin’s birthmom and the friendship that was made.



Gavin with his birthmom, birth grandma, Zane and my hands

 I loved the moments I had with both boys when I could feel them looking deep into my eyes, and I knew these were my babies and they knew me. It is pure joy. Adoption also brings a little added blessing of being able to be sealed in the temple as a family. After my oldest son’s sealing, my friend asked me, “Labor room or sealing room, which one would I pick?” Sealing room hands down. I’m eternally grateful for two wonderful women who are our angels, our heroes, and I’m grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has given me the most wonderful little boys.

Adoption has blessed our lives.




Zane, Ariane, Dallin, and Gavin