Three Miracles

I am the mother of three beautiful children who came to us through the love and sacrifice of amazing birth mothers.


I will forever be amazed by the miracle of adoption and the Lord’s hand in it all. That is exactly what adoption is, a miracle. For many years my husband and I waited and wondered when our children would come. It was about a year before our first child came to our family we finally decided to go forward with all that is involved with becoming certified and ready to adopt. On the morning we decided to send in our first application, my husband opened up the Church News and the cover story was of a couple and their experience with adoption. The thing that hit me from the article was a statement by one of the General Authorities, “There is more than one way to multiply and replenish the earth.” And I realized that if we adopt a child they will be sealed to us – as if they had been born to us - they will really be our children. Not long after we had decided to adopt we were given great counsel, we were told that we would not be waiting for a baby, but we would be waiting for our baby. Just as the Lord sends children to families through natural birth, His hand is in the adoption process and eternal families can be built through adoption. We know that birth mothers spend a lot of time in prayer to choose the parents of her unborn child. And we were encouraged to pray for the mother, even before we know her. I know that my children were meant to be a part of our family. There really are no coincidences in adoption.

Each time we were chosen to be adoptive parents there were so many things that just seemed to fall into place at just the right time. With our first we were able to get the last seats on the last flight that got us to the hospital just minutes before our placement was scheduled. With our second we had been living in Texas for about 6 months and had been certified for a short time when we decided to finally get our profile on-line. That same day our caseworker learned of a birth mother living out of sate who was searching for a family living in Texas, she chose us. Our third came four weeks early. The day he was born started out like any other day, then we got a phone call letting us know that our birth mom was in labor. We didn’t have anything ready. I was on the phone all day, quickly went through baby boy clothes, pulled the car seat out of the attic, arranged babysitters for our other children, and in a matter of hours my husband and I were on our way to the airport to welcome our newest little one into our family.

Each time we were chosen it also took much patience, prayer and fasting to bring them finally home. Issues come up between birth and placement that are totally out of our control. There were times when we had to wait much longer than anticipated, wondering day by day what the outcome would be. It is through those times that my faith has been strengthened. I know that if we put our faith and trust in the Lord and do all that we can do, He’ll take care of the rest. He is watching over us all and he has a plan for all of His children.

I will forever be grateful for the love and sacrifice of our children’s birth mothers. Their sacrifice for us exemplifies the spirit of sacrifice and love taught by the Savior and shows such great love. One day not too long ago I was sitting in a rare quiet moment watching my two oldest play and holding my baby close and felt so blessed thinking of how my children came to me, so grateful for their birth moms and ultimately acknowledging the love of the Lord and how He directs all our lives and leads us to where we should be. We have open relationships with our birth moms and some of their family members. I am so grateful that my children have so many people who love them.

One of the greatest blessing of adoption is being able to take our children to the temple. It is such a special thing to be able to take our little ones to the temple to perform an ordinance that will keep us together, as a family, forever. When we took our daughter to the temple she was only five months old. She was perfect little angel all dressed in white, grabbed her daddy’s thumb during the ordinance like she knew what was happening and held on until the sealing was over. I remember standing in front of the mirrors holding our beautiful children just after our second child was sealed to us. We were looking into eternity, together, there is absolutely nothing more perfect than a moment like that. It is all such a miracle to me.



Issac, Kristi, Andrew, Ramsey & Hannah



Our birth mother

I was pleased to be invited to tell something about our story for the Houston FSA blog. Our adoption journey started in Houston, although we didn’t adopt there. We also didn’t adopt through LDSFS, despite trying to do so for about 3 ½ years. We ended up adopting through a private agency in Utah.

Originally I thought I would tell about our adoption journey – from infertility, to waiting, to finally – after six years of marriage - adopting our beautiful little girl, to the very quick and miraculous adoption of our baby boy. It’s a beautiful story and one I like to share, but I decided to share a different story on this blog – the story of Jalen’s birth mother.

I should start with Baylie, our daughter. Her adoption was closed by request of her birth mother. I’m a little ashamed to admit that having a closed adoption was a relief for me. It made things easier and less complicated, at least for now. I didn’t have to “share” my little girl. I worried about how it would affect Baylie, but as for me – I was happy with the situation.

In January, we started considering a second adoption. We didn’t know why, but we felt pressed to get ready as soon as possible. We contacted our agency, updated our paperwork, sold a car and scrambled to find financing - then prepared to wait. We learned of a couple of babies being born in March and figured that would give us a little bit of time to get ready. We were completely caught off guard to receive a call five days later telling us a little boy had just been born in Virginia and was ours if we could get on a plane that night. Jalen’s birth mom not only wanted an open adoption, but she also wanted us to promise to visit her on a regular basis. I was a little nervous about this arrangement, but had received confirmation that this was supposed to be our little boy. Plus, I wanted to honor his birth mother’s wishes.

We first met Jalen’s birth mom in the hospital the day after his birth. It had taken us 13 hours to get there. We drove straight from the airport to the hospital. I can't really describe the feeling of knocking on a hospital room door and entering to meet the mother of your future child. I'm not sure how I felt: excited? invasive? nervous? She was holding her little baby. I asked her if she was okay and if she was comfortable with her decision. She asked if I wanted to hold the baby. I told her no, that I would have plenty of time to hold him and I wanted her to hold him as long as possible. I showed her the picture we had brought for her of our family. I'm not sure if she knew about Baylie before that, but she seemed relieved to see the picture. We talked a little bit about ourselves. She was a sweet girl and she loved her little boy. Later in the day as I heard her talking to her sister on the phone, she cried as she explained that she had to do this because she knew it was the best thing for her baby. It brought tears to my eyes as well.

Legally when you adopt a child, you can name the baby whatever you want. In the case of Baylie, we have a closed adoption, so we gave her a completely different name from the one her birthmother had selected. In the case of Jalen, his birthmother seemed very concerned that we would change his name, so out of respect for her, we kept the first name she had chosen, Jalen. It was hard for me not to give Jalen the name I had always planned for my first born son. The name we had planned on had family connections and a deep meaning for us. I realized that in some ways, I would now be sharing a child with another woman. This caused conflicting feelings in me and more than a little guilt over the fact that I felt conflicted.

For a variety of reasons on both our parts, our follow-up visit with Jalen’s birth mom was postponed twice. When we were finally able to schedule a visit, we traveled across the country, capped off by a 10-hour round trip drive in order to meet with her. Unfortunately, at the last minute, she decided she wasn’t ready to meet with us. In my heart, I know she wanted to see Jalen. I think it was just emotionally too hard for her and she admitted she didn't know how to act around us and was uncomfortable. My husband David was very kind on the phone. He reassured her that we didn't think poorly of her and that instead we respected her for her decision to place her baby with us. He was amazing. I was disappointed, sad and angry, but also a little relieved. I felt we had lived up to our promise and her decision not to see us gave me a way out of having to visit again.

We continued texting back and forth, and I kept sending her pictures, but I didn’t plan on visiting her again. I know this doesn’t make me sound like a very good person. I was scared. I didn’t know what our relationship would be like, I knew her family didn’t support the adoption, I didn’t know what it would be like for Jalen, and I worried about how Baylie would feel. And most of all, I didn’t know what it would be like for me as his mother to be around the woman who gave birth to Jalen. Would we have to define which of us was his “real” mother? And if so, which of us would it be?

This is where the Lord stepped in yet again. My husband was applying to graduate schools and we ended up in South Carolina, just five hours away from Jalen’s birth mother. And as time passed, I knew the right thing to do for all of us – especially Jalen – was to meet. His birth mom was very excited when we set up the second meeting.

We drove five hours to meet her. At first, we thought she was going to cancel on us again. But then she walked through the door. It was kind of awkward at first. I wasn’t sure what to do. Should we hug? Shake hands? Nothing? But my awesome husband just jumped up and gave her a big hug, so I followed suit. Before long the ice was broken and we just started talking.

As for Jalen, from the time he woke up in the morning, it seemed like he knew something was happening. He was really excited and couldn't contain himself - kicking and squirming and squealing. Jalen doesn't normally take to strangers. He keeps a very straight face and stares them down. Sometimes it's a little embarrassing. But he loved his birth mother from the very beginning. He knew she was someone special. He smiled for her and reached out to her. It was beautiful to see. I was surprised that I didn’t feel jealous at all. I just felt joy.

It meant a lot to us to have Jalen’s birth mother tell us that she is happy with her decision and knows she made the right choice. Her family has not been very supportive and I think she is a strong woman to have made the choice and to stand by it. We also learned that she had looked at other couples before us, but never felt right about it. She said that once she met us, she knew we were the right family for Jalen. I told her that his joining our family was truly a miracle for us.

I wasn't sure what this visit would be like, but it couldn't have been better. It was really wonderful for all of us. I realized that we are both Jalen’s “real” mother; we can share him without infringing on one another. We can both love and appreciate each other for the distinctive roles we have played and will play in his life. She has blessed me by choosing me as the adoptive mother for her son and I have blessed her by giving him a nurturing and loving home. We’re on the same team.

I look forward to future visits. I’m not scared any more. I’m incredibly happy that Jalen will know his birth family. What a blessing. I now hope and pray that one day Baylie’s mom will feel the desire to reach out and get to know her beautiful little girl.


Note: I received permission from Jalen’s birth mom to use her picture in our family blog, but out of respect for her privacy, I don’t use her name.

Adopted

Nathan (15) commentary on the blessings of adoption.


I’ve never thought about it. It just feels like I’ve lived a normal life.

Grateful for adoption, yes, but don’t know what kind of life I would have lived if I hadn’t been adopted.

Curious about my birth mom, who she is and what she looks like.

Blessings of adoption:

Gospel: My birth mom was not a member of the church, and she made sure she gave me to a family who were members. She wanted me to go through LDS social services, so that I could be with an LDS family. I’m grateful to be sealed to my family for time and all eternity.

Family: I’m glad I have a mom and a dad. I can’t imagine life without my dad, it would be really hard because he helps me with things a mom just can’t. He is a great example to me. He has taught me many skills, like how to take care of the yard. He’s shown me how to honor and hold the priesthood. He has shown me how to use the priesthood to bless lives. He has given me many blessings that have shown me how much Heavenly Father and he love me. My mom is a great example, and teaches me how to be kind and loving, and I’m glad she’s here for me. She wanted to be my mom, she wanted that responsibility, and she was able to do it. I’m grateful for all that my parents have done for me. I can’t imagine life without my parents. I have an older sister who has been a good example and has been a great mentor for me socially and emotionally. She was a great big sister. My sister, Corrine is one of my best friends, and is fun, and loving. I wouldn’t know how to live without her, and she wouldn’t know how to live without me. We’ve always been there for each other, through good and bad.

Life: I’m grateful to be alive. My birth mom could have made a choice to not have me. I’m glad she felt my life was important enough to have me, and then give me a chance with a stable and good family.

This was typed by Nathan’s mom, while we discussed adoption. Nathan isn’t a talkative individual, so we discussed, mom typed, and then asked if it was accurate. Nathan feels this is accurate.

How adoption has blessed my life!!

My husband and I married and looked forward to having a family, as many young couples do. But after trying to have children and having no success, we began our journey and work of obtaining a family. After 5 years, fertility treatments, and much prayer, we were blessed with our first daughter. After her birth, we again struggled with infertility, again sought help, but to no avail. Within two years of her birth we began to consider adoption. We had actually been certified through LDS Social Services when I found out I was pregnant. Our oldest was 4 years old at the time. But I miscarried at 14 weeks. So, we continued with the adoption process. Three years later we had an opportunity to adopt a little boy in a private adoption. The attorney placed the baby in our home prior to the birth mom signing her paperwork, which we were happy about because getting the baby early helped us begin the bonding process. The birth mom just couldn't go through with it, and we had to give the baby back after 5 days. So, though a hard experience, our family was still determined to adopt and have a family, definitely feeling that there were more children for us before our family would be complete. About a year later, having felt we had done all we could do, and leaving it completely in the Lord's hands, I found out I was pregnant. We were so grateful our prayers had been answered, and two days later got a call from Social Services letting us know we had a baby boy ready to be adopted. We were stunned and elated. We had miscarried the last pregnancy so felt even if this pregnancy worked out, we would want our son. He was for certain the little baby we had prayed for. Again, our gratitude overflowed for the blessings the Lord had given us, and marveled at His sense of humor giving us two at the same time!! God is certainly in control of our opportunities and families as they grow and develop.

It's hard to describe the feelings we had as a family of three going into LDS social services to see our baby for the first time. We had finished all of the paper work and with great joy were escorted to a room full of satin comforters and pillows, with our baby boy lying in the crib waiting for us. The minute we walked in the room all eyes were on him, and his eyes were on us, and he smiled at us. He was only 8 days old. I don't know how it happened, one might say a moment of gas for him, but for us, it was the first confirmation that he and we knew we were meant for each other.

He has always been a joy, was a wonderful baby, so happy all the time. We have been amazed as he has grown, to see his unique personality from day one continue into the young man he is now, a happy, easygoing soul. He has always been so sensitive to others needing assistance and from the time he was very young always loved to help and assist anyone who would allow him to help. He has a very special gift in this way.

He is our son. Very early on I prayed to know for certain that he was to be in our home, and had a very overwhelming feeling of joy and comfort as I prayed which let me know he was always suppose to be with us. We had him sealed to us when he was about 8 months old, after the adoption was final.

Our journey with Nathan has been a great blessing for all of us because we felt our family was complete after the adoption and then birth of our youngest child. We are a family with the same issues, problems, joys and concerns of all families. We have never felt our children were more or less ours by the way they came to our family. They are equally loved and cherished, equally our children and on loan to us from their Heavenly Father. We have need to be so careful as we raise them to be people who love their Father in Heaven, who will honor Him by being good people, good citizens, with good character. It isn't easy to do everything right, but it is interesting how many times I've had specific inspiration concerning my son, how the Lord wanted me to handle certain situations. Our Father in Heaven knows our son best and is watching over him. He equally has watched over our family as we have all been blessed by being a family. I'm so grateful for my family. It has been 15 years since my son came into my life. I'm so honored to have him in my home, and honored to be his mother. I'll ever be grateful to his birth mom for allowing him to live, and allowing him to come to our home.

Our adoption was closed, so we never met the birth mom. She was not interested in pictures, or letters. We don't know a lot about her. Nathan wishes he knew more. I think he may want to meet her when he turns 18, and I am 100% behind him if he does. It's hard for him not to know why he was a child that needed to be given to another. He knows a little about her struggles, but it's still a part of his life that he has questions about. So, I would love for him to meet her and ask all of his questions. I think it would be wonderful for him to see someone that looks like him, a connection to his unique qualities. I think it may be comforting to gain a clearer understanding.

Adoption blessed me because I get to know and have my son, a very special human being in my life, and in my family. It has blessed me with gratitude for the opportunity to have a family. It has blessed me to feel compassion for those who struggle to have families, and those who struggle with finding themselves pregnant and not ready for a family. It has enlarged my understanding of God helping all of us by especially giving children the opportunity to be in stable and healthy environments, allowing birth moms the chance to start again with time to make their lives successful, and infertile families the opportunity to have children to love and nurture. It has blessed me to know how much God loves all of his children.

We are all blessed to see the tenderness and emotion in the most sacred experience of bringing children into the world and working together in making sure they are given the greatest opportunity to be happy, and reach their potential. These are the blessings I've received because of adoption.

--Thanks to Greg and Gina for sharing their story

The Plan...

We were married in August of 2002, and like most couples, had a grand roadmap laid out for our life. Eric was attending graduate school, I was working full-time to pay the bills, and we both knew we wanted kids as soon as we could get them. Needless to say, our plan didn’t turn out to be “the plan.” We struggled with miscarriages for a few years before moving to Texas in 2005. Our luck didn’t improve with the change of scenery, and we eventually decided to try some options for infertility. Again, no luck. We were at a standstill of what to do next. Sometimes the hopelessness and grief was almost too much to bear. We did some major praying and asking what our next step was. I had always felt that adoption would totally be an option for us – I had several friends and relatives who had adopted and I thought it was great. However, it wasn’t nearly so easy for Eric to jump on the band wagon and feel comfortable with adoption. After quite a few long talks and a lot more prayers, we decided to meet with a social worker to find out more about the process. We met with Julie in early 2007, and even though we hefted a massive stack of paperwork home, didn’t make a whole lot of progress for the next several months. By July, I felt a major urgency to put our paperwork in. We finally got everything pulled together, and in late August we turned in the completed paperwork and were approved a few weeks later. Little did we know our family was about to get a little bigger.

On October 1st, we received a call from Julie where she informed us that there was a baby boy who was about 5 days old, and if we were interested, we were one of two couples the birth mom was thinking about. Can I tell you CRAZY emotions! Our birth mom was thinking it over that night and we would be informed the next morning about her decision. The next several hours were spent trying not to get our hopes up, and after a relatively sleepless night, we both went to work the next morning. We got the call at 11:00 Tuesday morning that we had been chosen to be the parents of this sweet little boy. To intensify the emotional roller coaster, the placement was scheduled for noon the very next day! We cried, celebrated, made calls to family, and made a ridiculous last-minute shopping spree to cover the bare necessities.

The next day started out a little crazy to say the least, but once we got to the placement, it seemed like the whole world simply paused. The only thing that mattered was what was going on in that tiny living room with a sweet birth mom, a precious little boy, and a very humbled and nervous couple. I can’t quite explain the sweet spirit that was in that room that day, but everything just felt… right. They had been calling him “Matthew,” and when they told us that his name meant “Gift from God,” we both felt that no other name could possibly match our thoughts and feelings any better. From that day until today, he truly has been a source of continual joy in our family.

About a year after Matthew came into our family, we started thinking about trying the adoption route again. By December 2008, we were approved again, and were anxiously hoping to expand our little clan. At the end of March, we once again received a call from Julie. This time the birth mom was in another state, and was leaning toward choosing us if all the legal stuff worked out. She was due roughly three weeks from that time, and we enjoyed the novelty of having “so much” notice as we started preparing. I thought often of this sweet girl whom I had not met, but was going through so much in her life and was facing one of the hardest decisions she would ever have to make. My heart truly ached for her. Much to our joy, the call finally came that she had chosen us. About one week later, another call came that she was in labor several days early, which led to some frantic flight reschedules and some record-pace suitcase packing. We were fortunate to be able to meet the birth mother and some members of her family both the day before the placement as well as the day of the placement itself, and I am so thankful for that little bit of extra time. The perfect ending to that particular adventure was that we were able to bring Cannon home – a beautiful baby boy named after the memorable town we stayed during the first week of his life in Oregon.

Life gives us so many chances to learn and grow as plans change. We are so thankful for the amazing blessing it is to have these sweet boys in our home, and to be on the receiving end of hugs, kisses, and tender moments of pure happiness and joy. Adoption has truly blessed our lives and the lives of those around us. We couldn’t have planned it better. :)

Our Happily Ever After…Getting Better and Better

Tight hugs (even the kind when all of sudden a little boy comes crashing into you knocking you over in a hug), whispered I love you’s, sandwich kisses, tickles, a little hand in yours, rocking a little baby and singing lullaby’s, a chubby finger holding tightly to yours, playing in the rain, and reading good night stories….being parents is better than we could ever imagine and we spent six years imagining what it would be like.

Our story starts out like many other Mormon couples, meeting in college, short courtship, short engagement so that we could marry in between semesters, marriage in the temple which would lead to living happily ever after. Like all families though, Heavenly Father had His own plans for us, plans that would teach us more about the atonement of our Savior, humility, turning our will over to Heavenly Father, and bring us closer together. We were taught all these during the six years we struggled with infertility listening to doctors telling us our chances were really good, after all, I had had two miscarriages during our second year of marriage. Slowly the positive outlook faded to years of hopelessness, feeling alone, anger, and frustration. There were also some happy times of course, but infertility was always a constant part of our life. These years were needed, a preparation for Zane and I making us stronger and ready to face our next stage of life.

After our last failed cycle, Zane and I spent a week in prayer and at the temple struggling to figure out what we were suppose to do for our family. We felt all hope was gone for us to be parents. It was then that we were reminded of the many promptings we had felt over the last year (we’re slow learners!) that adoption was the answer. As we learned more about it, we felt hope again. There was another way to become parents, and as we learned later, for us it is a better way. All of a sudden we had something else to focus on and new goals. Adoption gave us something new to pray for, a birth mom, instead of focusing only on ourselves.
During a meeting with our caseworker in December 2007, a young girl walked in, turned to Zane and I, and told us she picked us to be the parents of her baby. I think I went into shock. As I got to know our birthmom over the next two months, a bond formed that is unlike anything else I have experienced. I feel like we are sisters both playing a part in our son’s life. This is why placement is so hard. It was hard to watch someone you care deeply for hurt so badly as she places the baby she loves dearly into your arms. We learned more about sacrifice and love that day. Our birthmom was the strong and courageous one as she testified to us that this is what God wanted her to do. This was what was right for her baby. I have never met a more courageous woman.



Dallin with his birthmom’s, Zane’s and my hands

It is hard to put into words the joy we felt as parents. I remember one night when my oldest son, Dallin, was just barely a month old, I was extremely tired, covered in spit up and had just been peed on. It was then when I thought I am truly a mother. What a wonderful word! When we were first going through infertility, I kept thinking if I could just have one baby. That is all I’m asking for. I had to take those words back. Dallin was never meant to be an only child, and he was growing up too fast. We started with LDSFS again, but after a year, Zane and I both started feeling a push to look at private agencies. We finally acted on that prompting in June of this year. I was on the phone with a friend asking about the referral service she used to find her baby while Zane looked up the information on the website. The application took five minutes to fill out, so he did it without thinking much about it. Two days later we got a phone call that our information looked good and by the way there is a baby being born in Florida tomorrow, are you interested? Like with our first birthmom, I went into shock. But this time it was different. I had definitely not planned for a baby right then, had vacation plans the next week, and honestly didn’t want to drive to Florida. We had had a failed adoption the year before where we traveled out of state and came home empty handed. I never wanted to go through that experience again, and so was very scared of showing up at the hospital, having the birthmom take one look at my family and telling us to turn around and go on home. When we stopped and prayed about it though, we knew this was right. I thought I had learned this lesson, but apparently we still need practice at it. The greatest lesson adoption has taught us is that God’s plan for our family and His time table is the right one and better than we could ever plan for ourselves. We needed to turn our will over to Him. So we put our faith and trust in God, packed up our car, and traveled 16 hours with our two and a half -year-old son to meet his brother.
Adoption is miracles. There is no way to explain how either of our birthmoms and us got connected besides saying God’s hand was guiding it. I spent two days in the hospital with Gavin’s (youngest son) birthmom while Zane and Dallin were in and out (I didn’t want my mothering skills judged on how Dallin behaved cooped up in a hospital room which is no place for a two-year-old boy.) I was given strength beyond my own to handle the situation and words were given to me to know what to say and how to comfort. I’m grateful for those two days with Gavin’s birthmom and the friendship that was made.



Gavin with his birthmom, birth grandma, Zane and my hands

 I loved the moments I had with both boys when I could feel them looking deep into my eyes, and I knew these were my babies and they knew me. It is pure joy. Adoption also brings a little added blessing of being able to be sealed in the temple as a family. After my oldest son’s sealing, my friend asked me, “Labor room or sealing room, which one would I pick?” Sealing room hands down. I’m eternally grateful for two wonderful women who are our angels, our heroes, and I’m grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has given me the most wonderful little boys.

Adoption has blessed our lives.




Zane, Ariane, Dallin, and Gavin



November is National Adoption Month

November is National Adoption month.  We are celebrating by sharing how adoption has blessed the lives of those around us.  Thank you for your submissions we would love to hear yours if you haven't had time to share yet please send it in.